Living with Genital Herpes


How is genital herpes affecting your life?

Only you know how genital herpes is affecting your physical and emotional well-being. Take a few moments to ask yourself: Are you living well with genital herpes? What you find out about yourself can help your doctor help you.

Knowing How to Live with Genital Herpes Helps Put You In Charge

Talking to your partner: An important step

While telling your partner may be difficult, it can be a positive step towards building a stronger relationship.6 It can also help you both make informed choices.6 Once your partner knows you have genital herpes, reducing transmission becomes a shared responsibility and not yours to shoulder alone.6 Besides, by telling your partner that you have genital herpes, you are showing that you care for his or her well-being.6

If you're worried your partner might react negatively to your news, keep in mind how you felt when you were first told that someone had given you genital herpes. It's only natural to expect a similar reaction from your partner if you tell them after you've been sexually intimate together. Telling your partner before sexual contact takes place can help prevent future misunderstandings.6

Getting ready

There is no right or wrong way to tell your partner. But what you say and how you say it can make a difference. You may find the following helpful:

  • Choose a quiet moment when you're alone together.
  • Be calm and prepared to provide information your partner may want to know. Answer any questions honestly and correct any false beliefs your partner may have. It may help to have some printed material on hand to help you explain genital herpes and relieve any unnecessary concerns.
  • Be positive. Your own self-assurance and confidence will help promote a positive response in return.6

Having the conversation

Think about how you can best express what you're trying to say. Consider the following approaches:

  • Try raising the subject by highlighting the strengths of your relationship.
  • Once you've told your partner, emphasize that your reason for telling him or her is that you don't want to pass the virus on.
  • Convey confidence and a sense of control. It helps increase your partner's comfort level and confidence in you.6
  • Encourage your partner to talk about genital herpes with you. Offer to share what you know, including printed materials and other sources of information.

If you're still worried about telling your partner, talk to your doctor or contact the Sexual Health Centre or Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI) Clinic nearest you for more information and advice.

After you've told your partner

You may hope for a supportive response, but you may not always get one. Try to be flexible and patient. Remember, it took you time to adjust to having genital herpes and it will also take time for your partner to adjust to the news. Finding out may cause your partner to think about what he or she wants from your relationship. If your expectations aren't the same, an open discussion about genital herpes may cause an early end to the relationship. Although that may not always be what you want, it may ultimately be what's best for you. If, on the other hand, your partner is committed to the relationship and cares for you then genital herpes is unlikely to change that.6


References
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  1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. CDC Fact Sheet - Genital Herpes. Available at: http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes.htm. Accessed Aug. 16, 2010
  2. Public Health Agency of Canada. Canadian Guidelines on Sexually Transmitted Infections; Genital Herpes Simplex Virus Infections. 2008 Edition. Available at http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/std-mts/sti-its/guide-lignesdir-eng.php. Accessed Sept. 27, 2010.
  3. Cuisini M and Ghislanzoni M. The importance of diagnosing genital herpes. J Antimicro Chemo 2001;47(Topic T1):9-16.
  4. The Society of Obstetricians and Gynecologists of Canada. Sexually Transmitted Infections: What are they? Genital Herpes. Available at: http://www.sexualityandu.ca/teens/sti-1-3.aspx. Accessed Aug. 16, 2010.
  5. College of Family Physicians of Canada. Herpes - What it is and how to deal with it. Available at: Ask Your Family Doctor College of Family Physicians of Canada. Accessed Aug. 16, 2010.
  6. Sacks SL. The Truth About Herpes. 4th ed. West Vancouver, BC: Gordon Soules Book Publishers Ltd.;1997.